Cookies & Scream
San Francisco Values. It’s a term that was in the news quite a lot before the recent elections: Do you really want Nancy Pelosi with her San Francisco Values to be the new Speaker of the House? I guess the far-right had no more ammunition and decided to try and pit the country against our lovely little city by the bay. Well, I guess the country isn’t as afraid of San Francisco as they are of ignorant politicians. Result: Washington got a well deserved enema. Enter the era of San Francisco Values.
Now I love our city, but I’ll have to admit we have our peculiarities; tree-sitting protesters to save the oak trees in the park, throwing the Jr. ROTC out of the San Francisco Unified School district, our mayor marrying same-sex couples in defiance of state & national laws. It all keeps life interesting. But even I get tired of some of the nonsense that goes on around here. The latest flap? No, not our city council declaring the Iraq War unconstitutional, or whether there should be a suicide barrier on the Golden Gate Bridge. Our current crisis is...well, it’s the smell of freshly baked cookies; Chocolate Chip I think.
Yes, some of the residents of San Francisco are steamed over the Milk Advisory Board buying ad space at various bus-stop stations and placing the smell of cookies in them. These scenting-stations also display a billboard with the universally recognized slogan: Got Milk? Screaming that their rights to fresh air are being violated, these half-baked crusaders protest that scent-sensitive people shouldn’t be inconsiderately assaulted in a public place. Indeed, instead of the pleasant smell of vanilla and chocolate, they demand the return of the more natural scents associated with our bus-stop stations: urine, dog-shit, stale cigarette butts, and the assorted scents of rotting food. How dare the Milk Board! The very idea! Capitalist Pigs at their most subversive!
I’m as sensitive to the rights of others as the next gal, but even I tire at the effort we take here not to offend others—even with our scents. We’re asked not to wear perfume or scented oils and creams to meetings. It’s policy in many companies here not to come to work with the same aforementioned contaminations. They even have ‘clean-rooms’ in many of our public places for the scent-sensitive so they can go about their daily affairs in righteous dignity, uninfected by those of us inconsiderate enough to dab a drop of Obsession behind our ears. I swear that one day I’m going to go Postal and drench myself in Victoria’s Secret Rapture before going to a public reading at the main library, handcuffing myself to the latest Harry Potter Novel. Or I’ll stand on the steps of City Hall with an atomizer full of Passion, holding it at arms length, dangerously pointed at my face. “Don’t come near me,” I’ll scream at the cautiously approaching police. “I’ll spray myself and run through all the offices inside!” It’d cost them millions to decontaminate the place. “Ha Ha Ha....”
So how did the city react to the protests? City officials ordered the removal of the scent-strips after the first day of the campaign. I guess San Franciscan’s aren’t so hot for cookies. In the words of the San Francisco Chronicle: The Freshly Baked Ads are Toast.
San Francisco Values. It’s a term that was in the news quite a lot before the recent elections: Do you really want Nancy Pelosi with her San Francisco Values to be the new Speaker of the House? I guess the far-right had no more ammunition and decided to try and pit the country against our lovely little city by the bay. Well, I guess the country isn’t as afraid of San Francisco as they are of ignorant politicians. Result: Washington got a well deserved enema. Enter the era of San Francisco Values.
Now I love our city, but I’ll have to admit we have our peculiarities; tree-sitting protesters to save the oak trees in the park, throwing the Jr. ROTC out of the San Francisco Unified School district, our mayor marrying same-sex couples in defiance of state & national laws. It all keeps life interesting. But even I get tired of some of the nonsense that goes on around here. The latest flap? No, not our city council declaring the Iraq War unconstitutional, or whether there should be a suicide barrier on the Golden Gate Bridge. Our current crisis is...well, it’s the smell of freshly baked cookies; Chocolate Chip I think.
Yes, some of the residents of San Francisco are steamed over the Milk Advisory Board buying ad space at various bus-stop stations and placing the smell of cookies in them. These scenting-stations also display a billboard with the universally recognized slogan: Got Milk? Screaming that their rights to fresh air are being violated, these half-baked crusaders protest that scent-sensitive people shouldn’t be inconsiderately assaulted in a public place. Indeed, instead of the pleasant smell of vanilla and chocolate, they demand the return of the more natural scents associated with our bus-stop stations: urine, dog-shit, stale cigarette butts, and the assorted scents of rotting food. How dare the Milk Board! The very idea! Capitalist Pigs at their most subversive!
I’m as sensitive to the rights of others as the next gal, but even I tire at the effort we take here not to offend others—even with our scents. We’re asked not to wear perfume or scented oils and creams to meetings. It’s policy in many companies here not to come to work with the same aforementioned contaminations. They even have ‘clean-rooms’ in many of our public places for the scent-sensitive so they can go about their daily affairs in righteous dignity, uninfected by those of us inconsiderate enough to dab a drop of Obsession behind our ears. I swear that one day I’m going to go Postal and drench myself in Victoria’s Secret Rapture before going to a public reading at the main library, handcuffing myself to the latest Harry Potter Novel. Or I’ll stand on the steps of City Hall with an atomizer full of Passion, holding it at arms length, dangerously pointed at my face. “Don’t come near me,” I’ll scream at the cautiously approaching police. “I’ll spray myself and run through all the offices inside!” It’d cost them millions to decontaminate the place. “Ha Ha Ha....”
So how did the city react to the protests? City officials ordered the removal of the scent-strips after the first day of the campaign. I guess San Franciscan’s aren’t so hot for cookies. In the words of the San Francisco Chronicle: The Freshly Baked Ads are Toast.
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