Monday, January 8, 2007

New Year's Insecurities

I started jogging on the treadmill today—again. Ugh. I hit the wall at 7 ½ minutes. I got my second wind in 8 minutes and quit in 10. I didn’t exactly resolve to start exercising again, but after clothes shopping yesterday with my cousin, I was too scared NOT to start exercising. But at least I won’t be breaking a resolution if I don’t keep it up!

I’m starting this year with a few insecurities. I’m beginning to get worried about getting old and looking like a little old man. I did very little to myself in the way of cosmetic surgery when I transitioned from male to female. Hair removal in some places, hair restoration in others. The SRS thing—some would call that more than a little cosmetic surgery. But I didn’t get a boob job, or facial work—all the cool, visible stuff. Now I’m getting all freaked out about aging and looking more like my grandfather than my grandmother. And all of a sudden I’m worried about my voice. I’ve never paid much attention to it, and it doesn’t seem to have bothered anybody, but now every time I open my mouth I am worried that I sound like a mix between Cher and Mick Jagger. Yikes! What is going on with me? I haven’t been this insecure since Mom took the diapers off me little bottom.

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